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When Chinwe Met Obinna
By
Uche Nworah
She sounded hoarse and tense on the
phone, like someone consumed by anguish and pain which
threaten to choke the life out of her.
‘It’s our landlord’, she begins.
‘He has increased the rent again and
has given us one month notice to pay three years rent
upfront or he will throw our things out’
Chinwe (not her real name) is like a
sister and always impressed me with her rugged drive and
determination. Hers it appears was always a life of
struggle long before we crossed each other’s paths in
the university; she self-sponsored herself while at the
same time taking care of her aged parents and younger
siblings. On graduation she moved to Lagos and fortune
smiled on her.
She got a job, bought a car and moved
into a 2 bedroom apartment in Festac town, she became a
first among equals and still maintained her stylish
fashion sense, in reminiscence of the days when she was
severally voted the best dressed chic on campus.
Though age was now gradually taking
its toll but she still glowed and managed to maintain
her looks and beauty. While in Lagos she picked up a
masters degree and a law degree from the University of
Lagos, but by then her biological clock had started
ticking, she was already in her thirties and she needed
a husband, fast.
Along came Obinna (not his real
name), a fine-boy-no-pimple type. A suave urbanite in
the classic sense of the word. Obinna is your typical
Igbo brother turned Lagosian, a fortune hunter, loafer
and dreamer who chose to live on hope (of a
mugu falling prey to his many scams), and on
handouts from women and his many well-to-do friends,
rather than haul his sorry backside to a 9 to 5.
He was blessed with good looks and a
bag full of humour and lies, but his luck never shone in
the 419 business. He failed to make it even at a time
when it seemed that every Igbo brother living in Festac
town was hitting it big in the advance fee fraud scam,
and relied on his charm and good looks to survive. He
never lacked women (single desperate ladies and sugar
mummies scattered all over Lagos) who are willing to
take care of him.
When he met Chinwe, he told her that
he was a business man, car importer, exporter and
general contractor. He always managed to convince a
friend to lend him one of their state-of-the-art cars
which he used to take Chinwe for a spin around the
block, and ferry her across town to Victoria Island
where her office was located. What he didn’t tell her
was that he was also a merchant in a special type of
commodity – women like her.
Chinwe fell for his charm, looks,
lies and false promises.
Lagos is a big city and it is not
uncommon for its dwellers to have lost touch and
contacts with their roots, Obinna was not any different.
He must have likened himself to the late Ernest Okonkwo,
Nigeria’s ace sports commentator who lived, played,
worked and died in Lagos.
At this time, Chinwe was probably in
self denial mode, she may have known some things about
Obinna but didn’t care or mind; he had after all said
the magic M word and she was already pregnant with their
first son.
Chinwe quickly paid for their low-key
wedding. She later told me that the day after the
wedding, rather than spend quality time with his new
bride, Obinna was already on his way to Kaduna to meet
up with a female acquaintance (Lady X), who was also in
the dark as to the goings on in Obinna’s life. How did
Chinwe find out?
Well, Lady X had mistakenly called
their home number on the evening of the wedding day to
confirm that Obinna was still flying out to Kaduna as
planned. Chinwe answered the call and pretended to be
Obinna’s cousin and took Lady X’s message for him, but
she didn’t pass it on. She says she was too exhausted
emotionally, financially and physically to start a ‘war
of the Roses’ on her wedding night.
Obinna later left town to keep his
date in far away Kaduna. Chinwe says that the
humiliation that her hubby didn’t feel bad sleeping with
another woman only a day after their wedding in a city
hundreds of kilometers away almost killed her. She was
to suffer many more embarrassments and humiliations at
Obinna’s hands.
Against all the odds, Chinwe still
kept up appearances and stayed in the marriage, she
continued to hope for the best like many women in her
shoes. By the time the second child (another boy) came,
she had already been downsized at her job.
Without a job and regular income,
stuck with two kids and an uncaring absentee husband,
Chinwe began to suffer from the heavy burden of all the
emotional roller-coaster. She is now a shadow of her
former self, and gone with love are her beauty and
fashion sense.
Post-Script
Obinna is still hovering around in
Chinwe’s life somewhere, still angry and bitter with
himself that Chinwe didn’t turn out to be the hoped -
for financial saviour. Age and time is also telling on
him, he is gradually loosing his touch and with all his
‘baggage’ (a wife and kids), he is no longer a
‘bankable’ and ‘marketable’ gigolo. Also, younger
Adonis-like boys are now playing the field, these Taye
Diggs look-alikes are first choice picks over him.
Divorce has never been considered she
tells me, she doesn’t want her boys to be called
bastards at school and at the playground, also she hates
to have to live through the divorcee stigma, and then be
scorned and shunned by family, friends and the society
as if she is the cause of everything, thus making her
out to be the most evil person on earth.
I was moved by Chinwe’s story and
started writing this piece months ago before other
things got in the way and I abandoned it. since then a
lot (good and bad) has happened in Chinwe’s life.
Chinwe has since gotten a job with
one of the federal ministries in Abuja and will soon be
relocating to Abuja.
Obinna is still the same loser and
bum that he is and hasn’t changed I understand.
Sadly, Chinwe recently lost her
younger sister (Meme) who used to live with her. Meme
had recently gotten married and had been one of Chinwe’s
sources of joy as she held out hope and promise for
herself and their family. Meme’s death really devastated
Chinwe. The last time I saw Meme she had looked full of
life. May her soul rest in peace.
Like they say, life can sometimes be
a b%*h. But God does provide us with the strength to
carry on. The
Nick Vujicic story is another good example of
triumph in adversity.
September 2006.
info@uchenworah.com
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Love And
Be Loved
Dedicated to anyone who
fits the bill.
By Vera
Ezimora
Love is the most complex emotion I
have ever experienced. It has so many sides and shades
that sometimes I wonder if it is still love. How can
you love a person one minute and want to kill them the
next? How can you love a person and yet hurt the person
so much? You know it will kill him when he finds out,
but you do it anyway. You know he is hurting inside,
but it does not stop you from lying in the other man’s
bed. Love. Is it really that complex, or do we just
make it that way?
I am particularly concerned about
women who do not know how to love themselves. If a
woman does not know how to love herself inside and out,
then how can she love another? If a woman cannot treat
herself like the queen that she is, then how can she
make a man treat her like one? How can you convince
people that the building is on fire if you are calmly
lying under your blanket? The world we live in is a
monkey-see-monkey-do world; it is a world where leaders
lead by showing examples. No one can love you better
than you can love yourself, so if your love for yourself
is fifty percent, then how can you expect a man to love
you one hundred percent?
I get very sad (more like enraged)
when I see a woman in a relationship where she is giving
her all to a man and getting almost nothing back in
return. I mean, seriously, let us get real here; ask
yourself these questions: why can’t he call? Why can’t
he say I’m sorry? Why can’t he explain his actions?
Why can’t he do it for me? Why can’t he accept my
apology? Why can’t he understand where I am coming
from? Why can’t he do it my way for once? Why can’t
he be sweet to me? Why can’t he stop being malicious to
me? Why can’t he remember my birthday? Why can’t he
get me a birthday gift? Why can’t he spoil me? Why
can’t he treat me the way I treat him? Why can’t he
stop hurting me? Why can’t he love me back? Why??? My
guess is that you cannot answer any of these questions
rationally. Now ask yourself again – why can’t I stop
loving him? Ladies, love with your heart and think with
your head.
We, women have the tendency to do
imprudent things. We know our man is treating us like
last month’s Chinese food, but instead of facing our
problems head-on, we make excuses for our man’s absurd
behavior(s). As women, we want to be cared for; we want
to be treated like queens, we want to be held, and we
most definitely want to be loved. If a man is causing
you to cry on occasions that any sane person would not
be crying, then you should know something is wrong. If
you have to call your man’s phone on his birthday and
cry your eyes out on his voicemail because he is too
angry at you to pick up, then something is wrong. If
you have to beg your man to pick up your calls and talk
to you, then something is wrong. If you cry more than
you laugh, then something is wrong, and if you are ready
to be with your man regardless of what he may do to you,
then something is definitely wrong with you. I do not
know what is wrong with you; is it low self esteem or
just unadulterated lack of common sense?
Believe me, love is not that
complicated. Relationships are not easy, but they are
really not that hard either. When two people have
understanding, patience, trust, and a big dose of
maturity, love cannot only be born, but can also be
nurtured (by both partners, and for both partners) to
reach its fullest potential. Forget about love at first
sight; it does not exist. Your mind is only playing
tricks on you. Yes, you may have dreamt about him last
night, and the love you made felt so real (in fact, you
are still dripping), but that was only because you
thought about him before you went to bed. Wake up and
smell the coffee (or tea – which ever one you prefer).
Seriously, why are you still in this
relationship? Is it the sex (if sex is involved)? Is
it the companionship? Is it the feeling of knowing that
someone somewhere has you as number two on their speed
dial (that’s if he cares enough to put you on his speed
dial)? Is it the fear of being lonely? Is it the
convenience? Money? Or do you just think you will
never find someone else to want you enough to commit to
you? What is it? Better yet, why is he still in this
relationship? Could it be because of the convenience
and all the ‘privileges’ that come with said
convenience? I mean, if you break up with him, who will
cook for him? Who will do his laundry? Who will warm
up his bed? Who will run his little errands? Who will
buy him gifts on his birthday? Who will cry on his
voicemail? Who will beg for his attention? Who?
If you think this through with your
head, and your head tells you that you are in a good
relationship, then your head must not be properly
hydrated. Some of you are living in denial (yes, I’m
talking to you; stop pointing at your chest in confusion
and looking around); you tell yourself that the only
reason why you are putting up with his bullshit is
because you are not married yet, but as soon as you get
married, things will change. Yeah, right! As a poor
man (unmarried), you should not take anything right now
that you will not take when you become rich (married).
Your desire for meat should not lead you to call a cow
your brother. Be honest with yourself; put yourself
first, and love yourself because ‘you are fearfully and
wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:14).
What – are you surprised I quoted the
Bible? Don’t be ooooo. I happen to be God’s favorite;
you better ask about me!
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Vera Ezimora was born in Leningrad, Russia on the
14th of January at some point in history. She was born
to parents from Anambra, Nigeria and currently resides
in Maryland, USA, presently writing a novel, which she
hopes to finish and publish soon.
www.verastic.blogspot.com
verastic@yahoo.com
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posted 7 October 2006 / updated
11 June 2008 |
