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Diary of Zena el-Khalil
Lebanese Artist Living in
Beirut
Army chief Brig. Gen. Dan Halutz warned that "nothing is safe" in
Lebanon
Thursday, July 13, 2006 10:44 PM
Update from Beirut - from Zena el-Khalil
It's 4:14 am. For the last half hour
or so, I have been watching the skyline outside my
balcony. It is on fire.
At 3:28am this morning, I woke up to
the sound of Israeli jets flying low over our skies in
Beirut. I was just beginning to finally fall asleep, had
racing thoughts in my mind all night, cramps in my
stomach, fear . . . Just as I thought I was going to
fall asleep, I heard the sound of jets, followed by one
explosion after another.
It has calmed down now. I hear
morning prayers in the distance.
I am at home with some friends who
have taken refuge with us. A lot of them foreigners. We
are trying to explain... who, what, why. But, we're also
trying to be normal. Because being normal is what got
Lebanese through 20 some years of war. We are joking
about how the airport is on fire because of all the
alcohol is duty free. We are trying to be normal.
Up until now, Israel has done the
following:
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-Blown up our
international airport, runways, gas reserves
for planes: (No one can leave or enter the
country.)
-Blown up small military
and domestic airports (both in the north and
south)
-Blown up all bridges and
roads linking Beirut to the south
-Blown up areas/villages
of the south, everything from the deep south
to Saida
-Blown up . . . As I type
this now, another jet is flying by, it is so
loud . . .
-Blown up the suburbs (Dahiye)
. . . Three missiles
-Blown up the
Beirut-Damascus road at several points
-We are surrounded at sea
as well, there are military ships launching
attacks ... Not watching tv anymore, but I
know there is so much more going on. |
Thousands evacuated their homes from
the south today. They had to walk for miles because
their cars could not cross the highway.
Another jet and another explosion.
This is all going into Dahiyeh. I can see the red anti
aircraft "bullets" being shot in retaliation.
Newest update, it's 4:26am, Israelis
are attacking Saida from sea. They are targeting the
bridge that connects to Saida.
Another really loud bomb. My heart is
racing. I can only pretend to be brave.
Everything that is happening now is
because Israel is trying to wipe out any trace of
Hizuballah in Lebanon. In the process of doing all this,
they have wiped out our infrastructures. Our roads,
bridges, etc. civilian homes, innocent lives.
It's 4:32am and I have a knot in my
stomach. I am praying they don't hit the electricity. I
want my internet. I think it's the only thing that will
help me stay normal.
Latest update; 9 missile raids into
Dahiyeh in the last hour. There are now several parts of
Beirut without electricity. The sky is glowing red.
I am praying for the people in
Dahiyeh . . . Another really really loud bomb. I guess
that makes it 10 now.
I am angry now. The things that cross
your mind... I just set up a new installation last week,
now, no one will get to see it. I was just about ready
to launch an international residency program here. Not
going to happen now. Was just planning to start a
family, who wants to get pregnant now?
Ladies and gentlemen, I did not want
to burden you with the troubles of war, but I think it
is really important that the world knows what is going
on. We are under attack by Israel.
It is unjust and unfair. I wonder
what the media coverage is like out there. All this must
end. Israel must be stopped. This is so unjust and
unfair. Everything we've worked on for the past 10 years
is gone now. So, so so, unjust and unfair. We had so
many events planned for the summer . . . Exhibits . . .
Concerts . . . Plays . . . etc. all gone.
Israel can not keep going into
wherever they choose to go to and blow it up! Lebanon
cannot be occupied again by Israel.
Dear friends, pray for us. For this
madness to end. Pray for the Lebanese people to stick
through this together and not lose their cool.
With love,
Zena el-Khalil 5:02am
Believe it or not, the sun is
beginning to rise and I actually hear birds chirping.
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17 July 2006 00:29:31
I have started coughing, but I don't
know why. I am not sick. I don't have a cold. I think
it's a reaction I'm having to stress. My body feels
weak. My mouth is always dry, no matter how much water I
drink. And I'm afraid to drink too much water because I
don't want it to run out!
Last night was probably the most
frightful night I have ever experienced. I was so tired
and exhausted... have not slept in days. When there is
finally a quiet moment, the tension in my stomach and
heart prevents me from falling asleep.
Last night we counted at least 15
bombs falling into Dahiyeh (Beirut Suburbs) and these
were just the ones we heard. At some point during the
night, I said to myself that if I didn't at least try to
get some sleep that I was going to go crazy from
fatigue; and that that was what was going to kill me.
Haven¹t been able to eat either, so am losing physical
strength. It¹s all psychological at this point.
I know I have to be strong, and I
will be, but I can't deny what I¹m going through. And I
think it's important that people hear about the downside
as well as the bravery. So many of us are already
working hard to fix things, we are running around Beirut
trying to get food and water and medicine to people, we
are doing things online, etc, but it doesn't mean we are
not scared, sick or tired.
So, last night amidst the worst
shelling we've had so far, I realized that I was not
afraid of the noise anymore; how quickly you get used to
it. I realized what was hurting the most was the
"UNKNOWN". What is going to happen tomorrow? When will
this all end? How are we going to start re-building
again? Are the refugees going to be ok? How are the
people in the south? And why punish a whole country?
What is the real plan behind all of this? How much worse
is it going to get?
My husband and I have been housing
foreign "refugees" helping them to find their way out of
the country. Two managed to leave this morning, a German
and a Swiss. The other two are British and American. The
craziest thing is that out of all people, the American
embassy has been the LEAST helpful to its citizens here.
The phone-line to the embassy has been practically out
of service.
My friend, Amanda, (whom I just met a
few days ago, by the way) had to hire a cab to take her
to the embassy (which is a ride out of Beirut) and all
they could tell her was that they didn¹t know what they
were going to do and to keep checking the website.
Only thing she has gotten on the
website is that she now knows that there is going to be
an evacuation (5 days later), but when it happens, she
is going to have to pay for it! Yes, they are saying to
their citizens that they are going to bill them for
their ride out! Can you believe that?
Trying to evacuate people has put me
under stress. The question is what am I to do if I had
the opportunity to leave? Would I leave? What do I do
with my friends? My family? My art studio? I have a
British passport; I could be evacuated with my husband.
But what would happen to my best friend Maya? She has a
very rare and bad case of CANCER! I have been taking
care of her since she was diagnosed a few months ago and
I know that has helped her. Her type of cancer is
"untreatable", but ironically, the day the shelling
started, her doctor told us her tumors had shrunk!
Unbelievable- a true miracle. I can't leave Maya!
What about art work in my studio?
What about all my brushes and paints and glitter and
books! All my books!
What about our photo albums? All our
family pictures?
What about the doodles I drew on my
balcony a few summers ago when I was suffering from a
bad break-up?
What about all the love letters I
have saved? Letters that document my youth that I wanted
to some day give to my daughter.
What about my other best friend? My
dog, Tampopo? My beautiful Jack Russel Terrier who has
never let me down. Dogs are not allowed to evacuate. My
American friend Christine is going to have to leave her
dog with me; a black pug named Baousi (means Kiss in
Arabic). She is heartbroken! She almost didn't want to
evacuate. She went to so many embassies to try and
register with them and see if they would take her dog.
Don't worry Christine, I will take
great care of Baousi.
My sister has been volunteering to
help the refugees who are being sheltered in public
schools. Right now they are calling on Lebanese citizens
to help out with money, medicine, food, water, blankets
and mattresses. She has been going to people and asking
for money and then going out to buy medicines for
refugees—her own initiative! My mom has joined in too. A
friend has put together a website for accepting
donations:
http://atrissi.com/helplebanon/
Biggest cynical statement of the
day:
Israel has told people to evacuate
from the south because they are going to annihilate the
south of Lebanon. However, the people cannot leave
because all the roads have been destroyed/blocked. And
yesterday when people did try and leave, the Israelis
opened fire on them! A massacre is happening!
Update on the attacks, as of
yesterday:
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- Israelis have been
bombing the south of Lebanon with phosphorus
and other chemical bombs.
- Israelis have bombed
all ports along the coastline of Lebanon.
- Israelis have bombed
all our local army radars and some outposts.
- Israelis have
bombed/attacked the fire fighting brigade
and the Search and
Rescue Brigade in the
South. Innocent civilian lives were lost. It
was a massacre—the buildings were also
housing refugees.
- Israelis have continued
to bomb the suburb of Beirut, Dahiyeh &
Haret Hreik.
- Israelis have now
killed over 100 civilians and there are
several hundreds wounded and they continue
to bomb the south.
- Israelis have started
hitting roads that lead to the mountains.
They hit a main one leading to the Shouf.
-Israelis have hit a gas
plant in the mountains |
. . . I can't keep up with what they
have hit.
*** Israel has begun to target
Lebanese army outposts. They have killed Lebanese
soldiers. They are no longer just targeting Hizuballah.
They mean to kill all of Lebanon.
The reality:
Israel is trying to bring Lebanon to
its knees. Israel is trying to destroy Lebanon and the
Lebanese spirit. Israel is trying to turn Lebanese
against each other. Israel is trying to turn us into
animals scrounging for food, water and shelter. Israel
and the United States of America are trying to drag
Syria and Iran into this too. They are using Lebanon as
bait. Lebanon is stuck in the middle. The Americans and
Israelis are trying to launch a regional war!!
Please help in any way you can.
Please pass on the message, this email—reprint if you
wish. Please tell people what is going on. Please put
pressure on your respective governments to step in and
do something.
Lebanon is a peaceful country. People
of all religions co-exist peacefully here. It is
unbelievable how biased the news is. They are not
reporting the real damage being caused. They don’t
report that the Israelis are killing innocent civilians.
It seems from this end that all they are focusing on is
G8!
Are the Israeli & US government
really just trying to wipe us all out??
Well, you can tell them that I¹m not
leaving. And there are many of us who are not leaving.
We love Lebanon. We love what we have spent our lives
building.
Tell them about people like me . . .
who build culture and tolerance. Who work for peace and
understanding. Who work to educate. Who work to promote
love and compassion. There are thousands like me here.
What about us?
Tell them about people like me, that
despite all of this, I have still not learnt to hate.
They can take everything from me, but not my dignity.
Not my morals and beliefs. They will never never break
my spirit.
Tell the Israeli citizens what their
government is doing to us. Tell them that violence
begets violence. Remind them that Lebanon is their
neighbor and that co-existence is possible. How are we
going to ever reach an understanding through violence?
We were so close... We were so close...
Please stop this brutality!
Still with love,
Zena el-Khalil
Did I mention that Maya's tumors are getting smaller?
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Lebanon Diary
At a crossroads in downtown Beirut
By Zena el-Khalil
Live from Lebanon, 17 July 2006
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Today I drove through downtown on my
way to visit my parents. I was driving alone and was a
bit nervous. First time in a car alone since this whole
thing started ... But I had to see my parents.
I came across a red light and stopped. The streets were
empty, and I caught myself wondering why I stopped and
didn't just go through. Streets were totally empty – no
other cars, no traffic police. Then I remembered my
latest policy that is helping to keep me sane; that even
under attack, we should not lose our manners. That even
under attack, there are still some regulations we should
abide by. Somehow, by not crossing the red light, I was
able to maintain some dignity.
Then I looked into my rearview mirror and saw other cars
approaching. I closed my eyes and in a fit of prayer
wished that they would stop too. That somehow, if they
didn't cross the light, it would indicate that somehow
we are all thinking the same. I know most of you have
heard about Lebanese drivers ... They never stop at red
lights! Ladies and gentlemen, today, they stopped.
I opened my eyes and then burst into tears. All the cars
had stopped. Everyone was behaving. It was a ray of hope
today. It's the little things that make you happy. I
turned and smiled and nodded my head to the other
drivers. Maybe they thought this bleached blond was
flirting with them.
I don't want to write about all the miserable moments I
had today. They were too many. And how can I find the
words to really express my despair?
I don't want to write about the tears that fell when I
heard about how the Israeli army bombed food storages
today. They bombed wheat silos and vegetable storages.
Now they want to starve us to death? About how they are
now targeting Lebanese army outposts. Lebanese army who
are not even fighting them. About the planes that are
flying so low. About how my house starts to shake every
time a bomb drops. About my worries now about food and
water shortages. About the refugees who have lost so
much, who are now living on the streets.
The biggest threat today has been to bomb our main
electrical plant. The very same one they blew up a few
years ago. If that one goes, we are without electricity.
I remember that summer ... It was long and hot. I don't
know what I would do without Internet.
Dear friends, if you don't hear from me after this email
it is only because I no longer have access.
I don't want to write about the cramp in my heart every
time I hear the death toll rising. So many children! I
don't want to write about how everything I have spent my
whole life working for has disappeared in a matter of
days. A matter of days ... my whole life has
changed.
My whole life has changed and I did not ask for it. My
whole life has changed without my consent. My whole life
has changed because someone, not me, decided they were
going to change it. Who said they could? Why didn't they
ask me? I was supposed to be camping in the mountains (Chouf)
this week. I was supposed to be working on a proposal to
bring a New York artist out here next summer. It was
supposed to be a surprise; I
was going to set the whole thing up, get the funding and
surprise him with it. People bought artwork from me, I
am supposed to cash my checks. I am supposed to deliver
art to people.
Two bombs just went off. My windows are shaking. Stupid
me, I closed them to stop the mosquitoes from coming in.
Thank God they didn't just shatter. My heart – my heart
is another story.
We are doing the best we can to help those in need. We
are all playing our respective roles and finding roles
to play. My sister has been working with the Zicco
House/Helem rescue point. They have gotten a bank
account open to accept donations so they can buy food,
medicine, water, blankets, and mattresses. The
ministries of heath and social affairs have proven to be
ineffective. It is up to the civil society now to help
out.
I can not thank you all enough for all your wonderful
emails. They are filling me with life. Please forward
the news ... I am so tired. But as long as I have
electricity and Internet, I will continue to write.
Until I lose my mind ... maybe by then I can get back
into my studio again and paint.
To any Israelis who may read this: I have not learned to
hate. I still believe in humanity. Violence begets
violence. I know there are some of you protesting this.
Thank you.
With love,
Zena el-Khalil
[Zena el-Khalil is an installation artist,
painter, curator, and cultural activist. She is the
co-founder of the art collective, xanadu*, that is based
in NYC and Beirut. She currently lives in Beirut.
http://www.ziggydoodle.com/page1.html]
Source:
http://electronicintifada.net/v2/article5064.shtml
posted 17 July 2006
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Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in
America
By Melissa V.
Harris-Perry
According to the
author, this society has historically exerted
considerable pressure on black females to fit into one
of a handful of stereotypes, primarily, the Mammy, the
Matriarch or the Jezebel. The selfless
Mammy’s behavior is marked by a slavish devotion to
white folks’ domestic concerns, often at the expense of
those of her own family’s needs. By contrast, the
relatively-hedonistic Jezebel is a sexually-insatiable
temptress. And the Matriarch is generally thought of as
an emasculating figure who denigrates black men, ala the
characters Sapphire and Aunt Esther on the television
shows Amos and Andy and Sanford and Son, respectively.
Professor Perry
points out how the propagation of these harmful myths
have served the mainstream culture well. For instance,
the Mammy suggests that it is almost second nature for
black females to feel a maternal instinct towards
Caucasian babies.
As for the source
of the Jezebel, black women had no control over their
own bodies during slavery given that they were being
auctioned off and bred to maximize profits. Nonetheless,
it was in the interest of plantation owners to propagate
the lie that sisters were sluts inclined to mate
indiscriminately.
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1493: Uncovering the New World Columbus
Created
By Charles C. Mann
I’m
a big fan of Charles Mann’s previous
book
1491:
New Revelations of the Americas Before
Columbus, in which he
provides a sweeping and provocative
examination of North and South America
prior to the arrival of Christopher
Columbus. It’s exhaustively researched
but so wonderfully written that it’s
anything but exhausting to read. With
his follow-up,
1493, Mann has taken it to a
new, truly global level. Building on the
groundbreaking work of Alfred Crosby
(author of
The Columbian Exchange and, I’m
proud to say, a fellow Nantucketer),
Mann has written nothing less than the
story of our world: how a planet of what
were once several autonomous continents
is quickly becoming a single,
“globalized” entity.
Mann not only talked to countless
scientists and researchers; he visited
the places he writes about, and as a
consequence, the book has a marvelously
wide-ranging yet personal feel as we
follow Mann from one far-flung corner of
the world to the next. And always, the
prose is masterful. In telling the
improbable story of how Spanish and
Chinese cultures collided in the
Philippines in the sixteenth century, he
takes us to the island of Mindoro whose
“southern coast consists of a number of
small bays, one next to another like
tooth marks in an apple.” We learn how
the spread of malaria, the potato,
tobacco, guano, rubber plants, and sugar
cane have disrupted and convulsed the
planet and will continue to do so until
we are finally living on one integrated
or at least close-to-integrated Earth.
Whether or not the human instigators of
all this remarkable change will survive
the process they helped to initiate more
than five hundred years ago remains,
Mann suggests in this monumental and
revelatory book, an open question. |
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Blacks in Hispanic Literature: Critical Essays
Edited by
Miriam
DeCosta-Willis
Blacks in Hispanic Literature is a
collection of fourteen essays by scholars and
creative writers from Africa and the Americas.
Called one of two significant critical works on
Afro-Hispanic literature to appear in the late
1970s, it includes the pioneering studies of
Carter G. Woodson and
Valaurez B. Spratlin, published in the 1930s, as
well as the essays of scholars whose interpretations
were shaped by the Black aesthetic. The early
essays, primarily of the Black-as-subject in Spanish
medieval and Golden Age literature, provide an
historical context for understanding 20th-century
creative works by African-descended, Hispanophone
writers, such as Cuban
Nicolás Guillén and Ecuadorean poet, novelist,
and scholar
Adalberto Ortiz, whose essay analyzes the
significance of Negritude in Latin America. This
collaborative text set the tone for later
conferences in which writers and scholars worked
together to promote, disseminate, and critique the
literature of Spanish-speaking people of African
descent. . . .
Cited by a
literary critic in 2004 as "the seminal study in the
field of Afro-Hispanic Literature . . . on which
most scholars in the field 'cut their teeth'."
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Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in
America
By Melissa V.
Harris-Perry
According to the
author, this society has historically exerted
considerable pressure on black females to fit into one
of a handful of stereotypes, primarily, the Mammy, the
Matriarch or the Jezebel. The selfless
Mammy’s behavior is marked by a slavish devotion to
white folks’ domestic concerns, often at the expense of
those of her own family’s needs. By contrast, the
relatively-hedonistic Jezebel is a sexually-insatiable
temptress. And the Matriarch is generally thought of as
an emasculating figure who denigrates black men, ala the
characters Sapphire and Aunt Esther on the television
shows Amos and Andy and Sanford and Son, respectively.
Professor Perry
points out how the propagation of these harmful myths
have served the mainstream culture well. For instance,
the Mammy suggests that it is almost second nature for
black females to feel a maternal instinct towards
Caucasian babies.
As for the source
of the Jezebel, black women had no control over their
own bodies during slavery given that they were being
auctioned off and bred to maximize profits. Nonetheless,
it was in the interest of plantation owners to propagate
the lie that sisters were sluts inclined to mate
indiscriminately.
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update 1 August 2008
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