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Diary of Zena el-Khalil
Lebanese Artist Living in
Beirut
Army chief Brig. Gen. Dan Halutz warned that "nothing is safe" in
Lebanon
Thursday, July 13, 2006 10:44 PM
Update from Beirut - from Zena el-Khalil
It's 4:14 am. For the last half hour
or so, I have been watching the skyline outside my
balcony. It is on fire.
At 3:28am this morning, I woke up to
the sound of Israeli jets flying low over our skies in
Beirut. I was just beginning to finally fall asleep, had
racing thoughts in my mind all night, cramps in my
stomach, fear . . . Just as I thought I was going to
fall asleep, I heard the sound of jets, followed by one
explosion after another.
It has calmed down now. I hear
morning prayers in the distance.
I am at home with some friends who
have taken refuge with us. A lot of them foreigners. We
are trying to explain... who, what, why. But, we're also
trying to be normal. Because being normal is what got
Lebanese through 20 some years of war. We are joking
about how the airport is on fire because of all the
alcohol is duty free. We are trying to be normal.
Up until now, Israel has done the
following:
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-Blown up our
international airport, runways, gas reserves
for planes: (No one can leave or enter the
country.)
-Blown up small military
and domestic airports (both in the north and
south)
-Blown up all bridges and
roads linking Beirut to the south
-Blown up areas/villages
of the south, everything from the deep south
to Saida
-Blown up . . . As I type
this now, another jet is flying by, it is so
loud . . .
-Blown up the suburbs (Dahiye)
. . . Three missiles
-Blown up the
Beirut-Damascus road at several points
-We are surrounded at sea
as well, there are military ships launching
attacks ... Not watching tv anymore, but I
know there is so much more going on. |
Thousands evacuated their homes from
the south today. They had to walk for miles because
their cars could not cross the highway.
Another jet and another explosion.
This is all going into Dahiyeh. I can see the red anti
aircraft "bullets" being shot in retaliation.
Newest update, it's 4:26am, Israelis
are attacking Saida from sea. They are targeting the
bridge that connects to Saida.
Another really loud bomb. My heart is
racing. I can only pretend to be brave.
Everything that is happening now is
because Israel is trying to wipe out any trace of
Hizuballah in Lebanon. In the process of doing all this,
they have wiped out our infrastructures. Our roads,
bridges, etc. civilian homes, innocent lives.
It's 4:32am and I have a knot in my
stomach. I am praying they don't hit the electricity. I
want my internet. I think it's the only thing that will
help me stay normal.
Latest update; 9 missile raids into
Dahiyeh in the last hour. There are now several parts of
Beirut without electricity. The sky is glowing red.
I am praying for the people in
Dahiyeh . . . Another really really loud bomb. I guess
that makes it 10 now.
I am angry now. The things that cross
your mind... I just set up a new installation last week,
now, no one will get to see it. I was just about ready
to launch an international residency program here. Not
going to happen now. Was just planning to start a
family, who wants to get pregnant now?
Ladies and gentlemen, I did not want
to burden you with the troubles of war, but I think it
is really important that the world knows what is going
on. We are under attack by Israel.
It is unjust and unfair. I wonder
what the media coverage is like out there. All this must
end. Israel must be stopped. This is so unjust and
unfair. Everything we've worked on for the past 10 years
is gone now. So, so so, unjust and unfair. We had so
many events planned for the summer . . . Exhibits . . .
Concerts . . . Plays . . . etc. all gone.
Israel can not keep going into
wherever they choose to go to and blow it up! Lebanon
cannot be occupied again by Israel.
Dear friends, pray for us. For this
madness to end. Pray for the Lebanese people to stick
through this together and not lose their cool.
With love,
Zena el-Khalil 5:02am
Believe it or not, the sun is
beginning to rise and I actually hear birds chirping.
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17 July 2006 00:29:31
I have started coughing, but I don't
know why. I am not sick. I don't have a cold. I think
it's a reaction I'm having to stress. My body feels
weak. My mouth is always dry, no matter how much water I
drink. And I'm afraid to drink too much water because I
don't want it to run out!
Last night was probably the most
frightful night I have ever experienced. I was so tired
and exhausted... have not slept in days. When there is
finally a quiet moment, the tension in my stomach and
heart prevents me from falling asleep.
Last night we counted at least 15
bombs falling into Dahiyeh (Beirut Suburbs) and these
were just the ones we heard. At some point during the
night, I said to myself that if I didn't at least try to
get some sleep that I was going to go crazy from
fatigue; and that that was what was going to kill me.
Havenıt been able to eat either, so am losing physical
strength. Itıs all psychological at this point.
I know I have to be strong, and I
will be, but I can't deny what Iım going through. And I
think it's important that people hear about the downside
as well as the bravery. So many of us are already
working hard to fix things, we are running around Beirut
trying to get food and water and medicine to people, we
are doing things online, etc, but it doesn't mean we are
not scared, sick or tired.
So, last night amidst the worst
shelling we've had so far, I realized that I was not
afraid of the noise anymore; how quickly you get used to
it. I realized what was hurting the most was the
"UNKNOWN". What is going to happen tomorrow? When will
this all end? How are we going to start re-building
again? Are the refugees going to be ok? How are the
people in the south? And why punish a whole country?
What is the real plan behind all of this? How much worse
is it going to get?
My husband and I have been housing
foreign "refugees" helping them to find their way out of
the country. Two managed to leave this morning, a German
and a Swiss. The other two are British and American. The
craziest thing is that out of all people, the American
embassy has been the LEAST helpful to its citizens here.
The phone-line to the embassy has been practically out
of service.
My friend, Amanda, (whom I just met a
few days ago, by the way) had to hire a cab to take her
to the embassy (which is a ride out of Beirut) and all
they could tell her was that they didnıt know what they
were going to do and to keep checking the website.
Only thing she has gotten on the
website is that she now knows that there is going to be
an evacuation (5 days later), but when it happens, she
is going to have to pay for it! Yes, they are saying to
their citizens that they are going to bill them for
their ride out! Can you believe that?
Trying to evacuate people has put me
under stress. The question is what am I to do if I had
the opportunity to leave? Would I leave? What do I do
with my friends? My family? My art studio? I have a
British passport; I could be evacuated with my husband.
But what would happen to my best friend Maya? She has a
very rare and bad case of CANCER! I have been taking
care of her since she was diagnosed a few months ago and
I know that has helped her. Her type of cancer is
"untreatable", but ironically, the day the shelling
started, her doctor told us her tumors had shrunk!
Unbelievable- a true miracle. I can't leave Maya!
What about art work in my studio?
What about all my brushes and paints and glitter and
books! All my books!
What about our photo albums? All our
family pictures?
What about the doodles I drew on my
balcony a few summers ago when I was suffering from a
bad break-up?
What about all the love letters I
have saved? Letters that document my youth that I wanted
to some day give to my daughter.
What about my other best friend? My
dog, Tampopo? My beautiful Jack Russel Terrier who has
never let me down. Dogs are not allowed to evacuate. My
American friend Christine is going to have to leave her
dog with me; a black pug named Baousi (means Kiss in
Arabic). She is heartbroken! She almost didn't want to
evacuate. She went to so many embassies to try and
register with them and see if they would take her dog.
Don't worry Christine, I will take
great care of Baousi.
My sister has been volunteering to
help the refugees who are being sheltered in public
schools. Right now they are calling on Lebanese citizens
to help out with money, medicine, food, water, blankets
and mattresses. She has been going to people and asking
for money and then going out to buy medicines for
refugeesher own initiative! My mom has joined in too. A
friend has put together a website for accepting
donations:
http://atrissi.com/helplebanon/
Biggest cynical statement of the
day:
Israel has told people to evacuate
from the south because they are going to annihilate the
south of Lebanon. However, the people cannot leave
because all the roads have been destroyed/blocked. And
yesterday when people did try and leave, the Israelis
opened fire on them! A massacre is happening!
Update on the attacks, as of
yesterday:
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- Israelis have been
bombing the south of Lebanon with phosphorus
and other chemical bombs.
- Israelis have bombed
all ports along the coastline of Lebanon.
- Israelis have bombed
all our local army radars and some outposts.
- Israelis have
bombed/attacked the fire fighting brigade
and the Search and
Rescue Brigade in the
South. Innocent civilian lives were lost. It
was a massacrethe buildings were also
housing refugees.
- Israelis have continued
to bomb the suburb of Beirut, Dahiyeh &
Haret Hreik.
- Israelis have now
killed over 100 civilians and there are
several hundreds wounded and they continue
to bomb the south.
- Israelis have started
hitting roads that lead to the mountains.
They hit a main one leading to the Shouf.
-Israelis have hit a gas
plant in the mountains |
. . . I can't keep up with what they
have hit.
*** Israel has begun to target
Lebanese army outposts. They have killed Lebanese
soldiers. They are no longer just targeting Hizuballah.
They mean to kill all of Lebanon.
The reality:
Israel is trying to bring Lebanon to
its knees. Israel is trying to destroy Lebanon and the
Lebanese spirit. Israel is trying to turn Lebanese
against each other. Israel is trying to turn us into
animals scrounging for food, water and shelter. Israel
and the United States of America are trying to drag
Syria and Iran into this too. They are using Lebanon as
bait. Lebanon is stuck in the middle. The Americans and
Israelis are trying to launch a regional war!!
Please help in any way you can.
Please pass on the message, this emailreprint if you
wish. Please tell people what is going on. Please put
pressure on your respective governments to step in and
do something.
Lebanon is a peaceful country. People
of all religions co-exist peacefully here. It is
unbelievable how biased the news is. They are not
reporting the real damage being caused. They dont
report that the Israelis are killing innocent civilians.
It seems from this end that all they are focusing on is
G8!
Are the Israeli & US government
really just trying to wipe us all out??
Well, you can tell them that Iım not
leaving. And there are many of us who are not leaving.
We love Lebanon. We love what we have spent our lives
building.
Tell them about people like me . . .
who build culture and tolerance. Who work for peace and
understanding. Who work to educate. Who work to promote
love and compassion. There are thousands like me here.
What about us?
Tell them about people like me, that
despite all of this, I have still not learnt to hate.
They can take everything from me, but not my dignity.
Not my morals and beliefs. They will never never break
my spirit.
Tell the Israeli citizens what their
government is doing to us. Tell them that violence
begets violence. Remind them that Lebanon is their
neighbor and that co-existence is possible. How are we
going to ever reach an understanding through violence?
We were so close... We were so close...
Please stop this brutality!
Still with love,
Zena el-Khalil
Did I mention that Maya's tumors are getting smaller?
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http://www.petitiononline.com/50600/ |
