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Letter
to the Red States
Our Split Will Be Beneficial to the Nation
Dear Red States,
We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't
aware, the Blue States include Hawaii, California, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the
Northeast and mid-Atlantic states.
We believe this split will be beneficial to
the nation, and especially to the people of our
new country.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Arkansas, Oklahoma and all the
Slave States; we get stem cell research, the Sierras, the entire
Pacific Northwest, and the best beaches.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs; you get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the US tax
revenue; you get to make the Red States pay their fair share. We
get the Statue of Liberty; you get Opry Land. We get Intel and
Microsoft; you get World Com. We get San Francisco and Carmel;
you get Fargo, North Dakota and Picayune, Mississippi. We get
Harvard, Yale and Princeton – In fact, we get all the Ivy
League and Seven Sisters, plus Stanford, Carnegie-Mellon,
Chicago, Berkeley, Cal Tech, UCLA, and MIT; you get Oral Roberts
University, Ole' Miss, and Bob Jones University.
We get the Golden Gate Bridge; you get the Atchafalaya Causeway.
We get Elliot Spitzer; you get Rush Limbaugh. We get PBS; you
get Professional Wrestling and the Daytona Speedway.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22
percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get most of the
happy families; you get a bunch of single moms. You get The
Alamo; we get Yosemite.
Please be aware that our new country will be
pro-environment, pro-choice and anti-war. We're going to want
all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to
fight your wars, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
apparently willing to send to their deaths under false
pretenses, and they don't care if the news censors pictures of
their dead children's caskets coming home.
We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that
the WMDs eventually turn up so you can feel that the sacrifice
of our country's reputation, money, and young men and women was
worthwhile and that your President is not a liar (and you will
be rid of those of us who believe he is not even our President).
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80
percent of the country's fresh water, 86 percent of the
aerospace industry, more than 92 percent of the nation's fresh
fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all
cheese, and most of the high-quality low-sulfur coal.
We also will have all living Redwoods, Giant
Sequoias and Condors. We will get the solar energy industry; you
will get 90 percent of the most polluted toxic waste cleanup
sites in the US. We will have the Pacific Coast salmon industry;
you will have Louisiana's crayfish. We will get the high-tech
industry; you will get Kentucky.
With the Red States, you will have to cope with
88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health
care costs), 92 percent of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent
of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of
all Southern Baptists, and virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists and telemarketing companies, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe
Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale and that Joshua made the
Earth stand still in its rotation, 62 percent believe life is
sacred (unless they're discussing the death penalty or gun
laws), 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53
percent still believe that Saddam was involved in the 9/11
terror attacks, and 61 percent believe they are people with
higher morals then ours.
Sincerely,
A Thinking American
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Note: The
map above is a US. version
including Alaska and Hawaii.
The presidential
election is decided on the basis of the electoral college.
Each state contributes a certain number of electors to the
electoral college, who vote according to the majority in their
state. The candidate receiving a majority of the votes in the
electoral college wins the election. The electoral votes are
apportioned roughly according to states' populations, as
measured by the census, but with a small but deliberate bias in
favor of smaller states.
More on Elections
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Sister Citizen: Shame, Stereotypes, and Black Women in
America
By Melissa V.
Harris-Perry
According to the
author, this society has historically exerted
considerable pressure on black females to fit into one
of a handful of stereotypes, primarily, the Mammy, the
Matriarch or the Jezebel. The selfless
Mammy’s behavior is marked by a slavish devotion to
white folks’ domestic concerns, often at the expense of
those of her own family’s needs. By contrast, the
relatively-hedonistic Jezebel is a sexually-insatiable
temptress. And the Matriarch is generally thought of as
an emasculating figure who denigrates black men, ala the
characters Sapphire and Aunt Esther on the television
shows Amos and Andy and Sanford and Son, respectively.
Professor Perry
points out how the propagation of these harmful myths
have served the mainstream culture well. For instance,
the Mammy suggests that it is almost second nature for
black females to feel a maternal instinct towards
Caucasian babies.
As for the source
of the Jezebel, black women had no control over their
own bodies during slavery given that they were being
auctioned off and bred to maximize profits. Nonetheless,
it was in the interest of plantation owners to propagate
the lie that sisters were sluts inclined to mate
indiscriminately.
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Weep Not, Child
By
Ngugi wa Thiong'o
This is
a powerful, moving story that details the
effects of the infamous Mau Mau war, the
African nationalist revolt against colonial
oppression in Kenya, on the lives of
ordinary men and women, and on one family in
particular. Two brothers, Njoroge and Kamau,
stand on a rubbish heap and look into their
futures. Njoroge is excited; his family has
decided that he will attend school, while
Kamau will train to be a carpenter. Together
they will serve their country—the
teacher and the craftsman. But this is Kenya
and the times are against them. In the
forests, the Mau Mau is waging war against
the white government, and the two brothers
and their family need to decide where their
loyalties lie. For the practical Kamau the
choice is simple, but for Njoroge the
scholar, the dream of progress through
learning is a hard one to give up.—Penguin
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The White Masters of the
World
From
The World and Africa, 1965
By W. E. B. Du Bois
W. E. B. Du Bois’
Arraignment and Indictment of White Civilization
(Fletcher)
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Ancient African Nations
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If you like this page consider making a donation
* * * * *
Negro Digest /
Black World
Browse all issues
1950
1960
1965
1970
1975
1980
1985
1990
1995
2000
____ 2005
Enjoy!
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The Death of Emmett Till by Bob Dylan
/
The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll
/
Only a Pawn in Their Game
Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson Thanks America for
Slavery /
George Jackson /
Hurricane Carter
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The Journal of Negro History issues at Project Gutenberg
The
Haitian Declaration of Independence 1804
/
January 1, 1804 -- The Founding of
Haiti
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posted 18 January 2005
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